So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
