he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
