I heard we made out
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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