How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
