Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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