Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
