This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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