my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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