well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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