i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
