You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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