Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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