She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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