How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
