eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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