i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
