I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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