But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
