You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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