We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
