That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
