Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
it's like iHOP with fire
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
