I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Will exercising make me less horny?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
