I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
