Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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