this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
