I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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