I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
