don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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