maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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