i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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