im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
