apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
