where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
