she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Drunk is not a location!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
