I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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