I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
