i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
