i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
