i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
i now understand why vodka
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
