You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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