ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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