youre lurking in front of me
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
