I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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