Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Randomize
