after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
