Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Someone signed my nipple.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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