How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
