zippers are such a cool invention
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
