omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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