upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
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