So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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